I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize