apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
