Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
