I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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