HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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