maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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