when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
