hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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