Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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