At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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