I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
