Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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