I hate all girls vehemently.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
