you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
