halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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