none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
