you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
