How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
