As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
