And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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