I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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