I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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