We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
