What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize