Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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