Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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