I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize
