stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
