I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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