dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
