So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i will never coherently bang her
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
