ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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