ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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