Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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