The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
