this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
