Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
