Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
