I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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