Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
