youre lurking in front of me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
MIDGETS
????
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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