Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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