ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
this beer tastes like vomit already
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize