you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
