can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
