can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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