I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
