that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
