dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
