I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
