Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
