somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
