so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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