he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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