Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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