i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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