i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
