So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
