Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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