Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
