well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
