god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
