Porn is love you can see.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
