he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
