He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
