So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
