hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
