You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize